One morning coming out of a very deep sleep, I stretched hard to help myself wake up. While trying to come to consciousness I noticed that the fan we sometimes run in the bedroom during the summer months was pulsating. This was unusual because the fan is not a pulsating or oscillating fan.

As I listened, it slowly dawned on me that the pulsation was not the fan at all. When I had stretched, my pulse had increased in rhythm and intensity to begin pounding loudly inside my neck, right next to my ear. What I was actually hearing was my blood flow distorting the noise of the fan.

My youngest daughter called to me one afternoon, “Mom, can you make my pear?!”

“Can I make your pear? What? I can’t hear you,” I responded, straining to hear her from the kitchen stove as I had been fighting a head cold for the past two days.

“Can-you-straighten-my-hair??” she asked again approaching me from in front of the foyer mirror, flat-iron in hand.

“Oh, yes! Of course I can,” I replied giggling to myself, my daughter rolling her eyes half-annoyingly, half-playfully.

In these two instances, my inner condition distorted my perception of what was happening around me: (1) my pulse distorted the noise of the fan and (2) my congestion distorted the words. These were physical conditions, but sometimes distorting conditions within us run deeper than pulses or colds. We have mental and emotional memories of everything we’ve ever said or done buried in our subconscious minds. We have stored within as well everything that others have said or done to us. That’s a lot of buried memories.

For example, I have often shared the story of projecting my once distant relationship with my dad on to my husband. Until I located and addressed my buried father wound, I could not make much headway in my relationship with my husband.

Are you aware of any personal behaviors that you’d like to leave behind?

Do you ever ask yourself, “Why do I keep overreacting like that?” or “Why is this person so annoying to me?”

Well, the behavior or annoyance could be rooted in a memory that is distorting your perception of life. Ask God to reveal the relevant memory for you so that you can begin to deal with it in your time alone with Him, in a small group, with a therapist, by researching the topic on the web or listening to a Christian talk show which deals with like issues (See  newlife.)

Just as I located the pulse, congestion and father wound, we can locate and gently address the inner factor(s) that perpetuate our distortions and over time enjoy seeing life more clearly and objectively, and living in progressive freedom, one issue at a time.

Proverbs 23:7
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

Matthew 7:5
You hypocrite, first get the beam of timber out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the tiny particle out of your brother’s eye.

1 Corinthians 13:12
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.


About ashleydwille

Author Ashley D. Wille was always searching for spiritual answers. “True and lasting satisfaction always proved just out of reach. Now, in midlife, I have come to find my soul satiated in God. Through sweet surprises, difficult climbs, and excruciating valleys, the Master’s hand has shaped me. All along the way, God has taught me many things. What He has taught me most is that many of my beliefs about Him were wrong.” Her book, My Journey Through the Cross, is a personal insight shared by an amazing woman. Through her profound experiences and inner struggles, Wille shows how she was able to break through false layers of thinking and move into a deeper relationship with God. Her beautiful journey is just waiting to be shared. If you are ready to live your life free of guilt and shame, you too can learn how to walk in spiritual freedom.
This entry was posted in Essays/Teachings and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s